Sunday, August 4, 2013

Wii Are Very Uncoordinated

Less than a month ago I treated myself to my very own Nintendo Wii system.  The boys already have every gaming system under the sun but I wanted a Wii just for me to add a little more activity to my life.  Since Raisin entered my life 6 years ago I had to give up my morning workouts at the YMCA and this has been disastrous for my waist line and energy level as a whole. I walk the dogs every morning for 40 minutes (and in the evening too) but it is a far cry from breaking a sweat or toning anything in the least.  I waited for a sale and then purchased myself a Wii and Wii Fit Plus board.

I have never taken myself too seriously.  I realize that I am uncoordinated and rather klutzy.  I never mentioned twisting my left ankle in Coeur d’ Alene two weekends ago but there again a misstep on my part and I rolled the darn thing coming down a flight of stairs.  In my defense the last step was only 1/2 of a step and it caused my misstep.  Someone please wrap me in bubble wrap because “dang” I can’t put one foot in front of the other without injury.  I really need to improve my coordination and balance and I thought the Wii would also be a fun way to work on it.

First I had to have Alex hook up my new Wii because it was like reading Greek and I had no clue what on earth went where and how to sync everything up.  When he finally got me ready to roll I created my Mii alter ego and I was ready to start.


Since this is my very first time operating a Wii (except for bowling at a party) this has been a truly humbling experience.  Did I mention already that I am a klutz?  After 2 weeks of struggling with many of the challenges and activities (games) I asked Alex to test his skills at the very same selections I was attempting to master.  I was bound and determined to see if they were really that hard or if it was me.  Alex hopped on my Wii board and tested many of the same activities that I had tried.  Not only is Alex completely proficient with the activities he attempted on his first try but he totally decimated any high scores I had racked up.  He was able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that I am completely uncoordinated and have extremely poor balance, awful hand eye coordination and timing.  I wish I was exaggerating but I am so far from it that it is pitiful.  Some of the activities I had attempted over 18 times he smoked me on his first try.  And we are not talking about a small variance of points here we are talking about hundreds and hundreds of points between my scores and his.  After each game/activity he would take the high score slot above all my scores and would then innocently look over at me and ask which one I wanted him to try next.  Gotta love a that kid. 

Oh, the shame of it all.  And not only was Alex thinking it was funny but the system likes to point out my short comings too.  The boxing dude says “Ah, you can do better than that.”  The stepping game reminds me every day that if I just step in time with the rhythm that I will score more points and to try and see if I can do that next time.  My personal trainer dude likes to mention how bad my balance is and that many of the activities are not what I am best at.  I have missed all the fish as a penguin, have flapped my arms endlessly as a bird just hoping to land on the target (and end up in the water most of the time) and you don’t even want to get me started on the snowball fight (they took me out), skateboarding (can’t get the damn board to move), or the obstacle course (I still can’t make it through the first level) and Alex was on the 4th level with special magic powers on his first attempt.  I have had a bowl land on my hand with the Rhythmic Kung Fu game because I can’t keep time with the other Mii characters, leading the marching band everyone in the band disappears behind me because I am not in sync with the music and they make sad faces at me in the hula hoop game when I miss the hula hoops that they heave at my head while I am trying to rotate my hips simultaneously. Who is the sadistic person that created these games?

If my abilities with the Wii Fit Plus are not humbling enough I always assumed that I had a wee bit of rhythm and that maybe the dance games would be fun to try.  How difficult could it be to copy dance moves?  My first attempt was Zumba.  Everyone raves about how fun Zumba classes are.  Well, I am here to attest that there is nothing easy about the Zumba dance moves in the game.  I have yet to make it past the instructional portion of the dance steps.  Each dance move starts simply enough but then they build and build on it.  I am not sure our bodies were meant to move not only in the directions they move you but at the speed they are moving.  It seems to defy physics.  Maybe I need to research these moves on Wikipedia or consult a Kuma Sutra book.

Thinking I needed to take a step back and find something will less hyper speed gyrating I rented Just Dance 4 from Red Box.  Obviously they have taken their dance moves from music videos (I think they still produce dance videos although they don’t show them on MTV) because even the simplest moves I would swear were put together by a hip hop choreographer.

Desperate to find my groove my next step down was Smurf Dance Party.  No that is not a typo.  I rented it from Red Box and looking over both shoulders to make sure that no one saw my selection as it was spit out from the machine.  Okay, so with a try or two I was able to get the steps down enough to score a few points on the easiest dance songs and not have the game tell me I have no Mojo (yes the games do tell you that).  Who programmed these games to be so brutally honest?  I would like their cell number if anyone has it.  Sadly the music on the Smurf Dance Party is painful to listen to.  Even I have my standards (although they have reached new lows recently) and although my dance skills are the level of a 4 year old I just could not force myself to rent the game again. 

Feeling my confidence boosted by the Smurfs (at least with the easy songs) I was too afraid to try any of the Dance Party Games again (yet) but I thought Abba - You Can Dance might be the balance I was looking for.  Unfortunately I am no Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia I have a long way to go before I can flip my hair around like that while actually keeping time with the music (no baseball caps for this dance game).  Next was The Black Eyed Peas.  Why are my Bumps and Lovely Lady Lumps not moving like Fergies?  And how on earth does Will.I.Am expect me to Pump it Up when he is grinding down and thumping like that?  I swear you could put a person’s back out moving like that.  His moves made me feel like I am in my 80's instead of my 40's.

Where does that leave me in the dance department?  I don't expect to be starting a career as a back up dancer any time soon but I have moved on undeterred at my past rhythm failures and am now joining the Dance Party at Disney – Just Dance.  Sure I may be attempting my moves with The Aristocats, Lilo and Stich and Tinker Bell but it is a definite step up from the Smurfs (at least in the music department).  And who knew I could be uncoordinated in a multitude of foreign languages.  I can stumble all over the living room now in German, French and Portuguese.   And who knows maybe I can find a cool sequenced top at one of the Second hand shops and let my hair down to Take a Chance on my dance moves with Abba again soon. 

I always thought Raisin and Jay had a high self-preservation instinct but I have come to discover that they do not.  Each morning they follow me willingly to the living room and somehow manage to leave unscathed mere feet from my spastic rhythm, coordination and timing attempts.  If nothing else I can confirm that they are the two bravest dogs in the world.   Time to get going I hear The Little Mermaid calling my name.  It’s time for me to join Ariel under the sea.  Let’s hope I don’t cause a tsunami! 

1 comment:

Related Posts with Thumbnails